calling dr. phil...

i’m struggling with a bit of a mental block when it comes to physical agility tests. it really doesn’t matter that right now i’m in great shape and *should* be able to pass… it’s really that i failed one, and therefore have this irritating mindset that i’m not going to pass. i created my own slump. since then, i’ve failed 2 physical agility tests that i had no business failing. if you asked me to tell you why, i couldn’t. i need the dr. phil of the sport psychology world. there’s nothing more debilitating than failing, for no apparent reason, and then finding yourself questioning whether you’re capable in the field or not. doubting whether you can get hired for another job. and all the other self doubts and anxieties that can rear their ugly head when they’re riding the waves of an effective blow to the ego. well, on my way back to my base, i got sidelined at HQ for a bit… mostly for inprocessing and to pick up another useless cert… but on our last night there we did an “SCBA confidence course”. basically an obstacle course, but one that they’d put 108 firefighters through so far, and only 17 or so had passed. no females. good odds. *sigh*basically to simulate blacked out conditions and being completely lost in a building… (mind you, a small building, but with 3 separate floors) well, for those of ya’ll who aren’t firefighters… crawling in 40 lbs of gear with a 35 lb pack in 90 degree heat and squeezing through openings, going up floors, down floors, searching for a way out… it can be a hell of a workout. i think i lost 5 lbs of water weight. …but the important part is that i made it out. it took me longer than anyone else, but i also had more air left than anyone on exit. basically, it was a little affirmation that i was looking for. now if i can just find a dept that’s hiring… and invest in hypnosis…