do they have a 12 step program for that?

having spent the better part of a decade as either single or nearly single, i have a finely tuned, jaded part of me that can look past the romantic poetic vision of a relationship or single romantic act… and see it for the pathetic and/or nauseating display it is. (if you aren’t familiar with the term “nearly single” then it’s been a while since you’ve been there, now, hasn’t it?) even as i’m in the midst of a lasting relationship with someone i really love… i can pick out things i do and say and see the quality in it that could make someone physically ill. likewise, having been a permanent resident on the other side of the fence, i can also curb some of those gag-inducing actions to kind of respect the space of that single person who “doesn’t really want to hear it.” what i’m really trying to say is… well, it’s pathetic and nausating. i know that… but i can’t quit. i also know some of ya’ll will think it’s the most adorable, romantic thing you’ve heard all day… and it’s either because you are a hopeless romantic, or you are in one of those disgustingly sweet relationships that make the rest of the population hurl. i thought i managed to eradicate the inner hopeless romantic in myself… but it turns out he’s just tied and gagged in the corner. apparently he got a hold of a pencil and has been trying to write occasional messages to me by gripping it with his toes… which could completely explain the interesting choices of gifts for the last several valentine’s days… but that’s a whole other story…*sigh* …so i miss my girlfriend. a lot. i miss everything about her… but it seems to be worse at night, when i have time to lie awake and think. so every night i take her sweatshirt… which doesn’t smell like her anymore, but it’s *her’s* and therefore like a part of her… and wrap it around me and fall asleep with it blanketing me. yes, i am 29 years old, and i have a blanky. for those of you that feel the urge to vomit, please turn away from the computer screen at this time… they don’t clean up nearly as well as you think they would…