oh for the love of...

so there’s some things you should never wish for… for instance, i said to myself yesterday, “hmmm… i haven’t had anything really humorous to write about recently…” basically i cursed myself. well, if that doesn’t set the scene, i don’t know what does. of course, there’s always the off chance that *i’m* the only one who finds this amusing… and that now i’ve set ya’ll up for a huge letdown. ohhh, the pressure…just for a little background… there’s been a lot of little projects going on here recently. one of which is that the showers needed to be caulked to be operational. having been an homeowner, and having caulked tubs and sinks on more than one occasion, i felt pretty comfortable taking on this project…well, a tube of silicone was found for me… mind you, i had no caulking gun… but a handle of a hammer would have to make due. (i’m certain someone’s father lived by the motto “the right tool for the right job”. mine shuts off a lawnmower that’s older than i am with a screwdriver… so the motto i know is “adapt and overcome”) so i removed the old caulk, mold, and other unmentionables with a pocket knife. (right tool, i’m sure) and sliced the tip of the tube to the recommended 45 degree angle. of course, *this* is about the moment that i noticed that the expiration date on the tube was approximately 2 years ago. hmmm… does silicone *really* expire? after all, it’s not a dairy product or anything… i’m going to smear it on the walls of a 25 year old shower, not dip my french fries in it… should be fine, right?…so insert the handle of the hammer, and a little pressure… and bingo…nothing. so a little harder… and nothing. (now, you *know* me at this point. what do *you* think I did?) so of course, i turned the whole thing so it was upside down (read: tip pointed skyward) and squeezed it between the shower floor and all the force i could put on it. well, when it finally gave, it really gave. all over the shower wall, floor, my pants, my hair, and even up my nose. i think i’m going to have to add that to my list of orifices that i don’t really want sealed with silicone. although, had i let it dry a bit, i could’ve had custom fitted nose plugs. add that to the “something about mary” look i had going on…now, while i could work it into a mean fauxhawk… i decided that the silicone look was a little too permanent for me. after lathering, rinsing, and repeating several times however… all i had succeeded in doing is spreading it in a even layer over every follicle on my head. now i looked like i should be attached to a long chain and swung as a weapon in some medieval battle. and as quiet as i tried to keep it, it was only a matter of time before someone noticed my incessant shampooing…so, that ya’ll may learn from my experience, the makeshift solution to removing silicone from your hair is WD40. this was suggested to me, and while i’m pretty sure it was really just to add insult to injury… or because the other all purpose “fix it” of the fire service wasn’t going to suffice in this situation (duct tape)… apparently WD40 will help in that situation. i ended up not shearing my shaggy, dirty surfer looking locks. i did smell kind of funny the rest of the day… as i was now freshly out of shampoo……on a separate note, WD40 did not out perform VO5 hot oil treatment in the latest survey…